What to do when a loved one dies: a gentle checklist

The practical steps for the first days and weeks after a death: who to notify, protecting their identity, handling bills and accounts, and saving their memories.

When someone you love dies, a long list of tasks lands on you at the hardest possible moment. You don't have to do it all at once, and you don't have to do it alone. Here's what matters first, and what can wait.

The first few days

• Take care of yourself and the people around you. Almost nothing on this list is urgent in the first 48 hours.
• Find any instructions they left: a will, funeral wishes or pre-paid arrangements.
• Work with a funeral home. They usually report the death to Social Security for you and help order death certificates.
• Order several certified copies of the death certificate. Most agencies, banks and companies ask for one, and you'll need more than you expect.
• Secure their home, car, mail and phone. Keep their phone charged and don't reset it; it holds photos, contacts and access to accounts.

Who to notify

Debts: what you're responsible for

According to the FTC, debts don't disappear when someone dies, but they're generally paid from the person's estate, not from family members' own money. If the estate can't cover them, the debts usually go unpaid. There are exceptions, for example if you co-signed, or if you're a spouse in a community property state. Debt collectors may only discuss the debt with certain people, like the spouse or the executor, and they can't pressure relatives to pay from their own pockets. If you're unsure, talk to a lawyer; legal aid may be available.

Their online accounts

Social media, email and phone accounts each have their own process, and many are permanent once closed. Save photos and messages first, then decide what to memorialize or close. Our guide to social media and online accounts after death walks through Facebook, Instagram, Google, Apple, X and LinkedIn.

Gather and save their memories

In the busy weeks after a loss, memories are scattered: on their phone, in friends' camera rolls, in boxes in the closet. A few small steps now can save a lot:

• Ask friends and family to send the photos and videos they have. A shared link or a Memory Stamp page makes this easy.
• Save voicemails and voice memos. Hearing their voice again can mean more than any photo.
• Set aside photo albums, letters, recipes and tapes before anything is donated or thrown out. Our Memory Box can digitize them for the whole family.
• Write down stories while they're fresh, from you and from the people who knew them.

Lean on support

Grief doesn't follow a checklist. If you need someone to talk to, or practical help with bills and housing, the support organizations on our resources page are a good place to start. In the U.S., you can also call or text 988 any time if you're struggling or in crisis.

This checklist is general information, not legal or financial advice. Rules vary by state, so an estate attorney or your state's probate court can tell you what applies to you.